The G-man and I seem to attract the weirdest neighbours in the whole UNIVERSE, no really it is true, actually I even think that it is a scientific fact proven by strange little equations scribbled on a white board during the night. No seriously it has to be true, that either the G-man or myself posses the uncanny ability to attract … … freaks and not the nice freaks that you want to hang out with smoke dope and drink copious amounts of alcohol with. No these are the freaks that actually make you want to take one step backwards.
I shall start at the beginning, that’s always a rational and logical place to start.
Flat #1: Seemed like the dream house in a quiet area of Adelaide, a little strata title dooflaky thing with about 6 places in the cul de sac. 2 bedroom place, sweet little garden out the back, garage, and generally really nice and a good price too. Can’t go wrong with that now can you? Ooooooh yes you can big styley.
Firstly the chairman of the strata was a complete and utter whack job and I mean seriously. He would get around with his road kill for an excuse of a toupee slapped on his head and shorts that were so short that they should be made illegal telling everyone off for all sorts of minor infringements on the strata policy. He even marched up to the G-man’s youngest brother while he was helping us move in and said “we don’t want people like you living here you look like some kind of bikie” He spat the words out at the poor guy with pure venom. Ok so G-man’s brother does look a bit like a bikie (in the stereotypical sense), he is absolutely massive, I mean tall and built like a brick shit house, has a long long goatee and a shaved head, however that does not mean that he is drug dealing, gun toting gang member. In fact he is the sweetest guy you could meet. Just don’t ever cross him or his family, you could live to regret it, but then the same could be said for me as well.
Then the psycho girl from hell moved into the house next to us. At first she was all sweetness and light, she and her younger brother moved in, they were from country South Australia, and she was studying at Uni or something. Then things got a little psycho. She would scream at the top of her lungs and my God she had a pair of lungs on her, she would scream at her poor down trodden brother at all hours of the night. She would run screaming after her boyfriend who had sped away, tyres squealing on the asphalt to get away from the nut job night after night. This went of for god only knows how long, until I screamed back through the gyp rock walls “shut the fuck up or I will break your back!” (I actually don’t remember saying this as I was asleep but it certainly got a reaction.)
Flat #2: Then we moved to Tokyo. We were expecting weird there so it didn’t really come as too much of a shock when our neighbours did in fact turn out to be freaks. The crap thing was that the MANSION that we lived in was a shoe box … literally it was 13m2 . Yep the whole flat, bathroom, kitchen, lounge and loft.
On one side of us we had Mr Cough Up A Lung, who would every night proceed to do exactly what his name suggests. On the other side we had Try Hard Band Member, who would practice his interpretation of music and underneath us we had Complain All the Time Slapper, who would stomp up the stairs, yell at us in Japanese for something and then have copious amounts of loud sex.
I might just stop here as this will be a mega long post if I don’t and put this little bit at the bottom.
To Be Continued … …
I shall start at the beginning, that’s always a rational and logical place to start.
Flat #1: Seemed like the dream house in a quiet area of Adelaide, a little strata title dooflaky thing with about 6 places in the cul de sac. 2 bedroom place, sweet little garden out the back, garage, and generally really nice and a good price too. Can’t go wrong with that now can you? Ooooooh yes you can big styley.
Firstly the chairman of the strata was a complete and utter whack job and I mean seriously. He would get around with his road kill for an excuse of a toupee slapped on his head and shorts that were so short that they should be made illegal telling everyone off for all sorts of minor infringements on the strata policy. He even marched up to the G-man’s youngest brother while he was helping us move in and said “we don’t want people like you living here you look like some kind of bikie” He spat the words out at the poor guy with pure venom. Ok so G-man’s brother does look a bit like a bikie (in the stereotypical sense), he is absolutely massive, I mean tall and built like a brick shit house, has a long long goatee and a shaved head, however that does not mean that he is drug dealing, gun toting gang member. In fact he is the sweetest guy you could meet. Just don’t ever cross him or his family, you could live to regret it, but then the same could be said for me as well.
Then the psycho girl from hell moved into the house next to us. At first she was all sweetness and light, she and her younger brother moved in, they were from country South Australia, and she was studying at Uni or something. Then things got a little psycho. She would scream at the top of her lungs and my God she had a pair of lungs on her, she would scream at her poor down trodden brother at all hours of the night. She would run screaming after her boyfriend who had sped away, tyres squealing on the asphalt to get away from the nut job night after night. This went of for god only knows how long, until I screamed back through the gyp rock walls “shut the fuck up or I will break your back!” (I actually don’t remember saying this as I was asleep but it certainly got a reaction.)
Flat #2: Then we moved to Tokyo. We were expecting weird there so it didn’t really come as too much of a shock when our neighbours did in fact turn out to be freaks. The crap thing was that the MANSION that we lived in was a shoe box … literally it was 13m2 . Yep the whole flat, bathroom, kitchen, lounge and loft.
On one side of us we had Mr Cough Up A Lung, who would every night proceed to do exactly what his name suggests. On the other side we had Try Hard Band Member, who would practice his interpretation of music and underneath us we had Complain All the Time Slapper, who would stomp up the stairs, yell at us in Japanese for something and then have copious amounts of loud sex.
I might just stop here as this will be a mega long post if I don’t and put this little bit at the bottom.
To Be Continued … …
RSS Feed (xml)
4 comments:
Now you don't see THAT kind of shit happen in Ramsey St!!
Ma ha ha. Mr Cough Up a Lung and Complain All the Time Slapper should have got together. Imagine the kids!
Ramsey Street?!
OH SNAP!
Wow, I was just talking to someone today about how most built-like-a-brick-shithouse guys are really nice and lots are actually real softies. I reckon it's easier for them to relax this way cause they don't have to worry about being beat up for it. But yes, they have been - in my experience - very protective too. (And bloody helpful for moving house!)
PS. Love that you are able to abuse people in your sleep! Wish I had such a skill so I could tell my neighbour to stop slamming doors in the middle of the night.
Post a Comment