A Timeless Battle

There is a timeless battle I feel between urges, especially the ones that creep up on you at 3 in the morning. This is the all time battle between the urge to wee, to get a drink or to go back to sweet sweet slumber.

For the past week or so I have had to contend with said battle nearly every night / early morning. I wake up, with a bladder the size of a football and a gob like Ghandi’s slipper ! However, the urge to just roll over and go back to sleep is ever so strong, but I know if I do that I will either have dreams where I am constantly weeing but not getting any relieve or sense of satisfaction, or I will dream that I am searching desperately for a drink (a bit like real life actually). A conundrum indeed, so the only option is to get up, but in what order? Shall I go to the loo first and then get a drink, or do I get a drink and then go to the loo? Either way I am probably going to have to be pretty much fully awake, although you can wee with your eyes shut.

So I finally decide that something needs to be done, I am nearly fully awake now anyway so I shall go do a wee, get a drink and then slip blissfully back to sleep right? Well the first two seem to go without a hitch, but the going back to sleep thing … … well this poses to be a bit of a problem now because I am now wide awake, as wide a wake as possible, actually I think that I am more wide awake now than I am when I am at work!

I flip flop around in bed, desperately seeking that most comfortable position, but fail miserably to locate it and only stop moving about when not only is the G-man starting to get pissed off at me, but that the cat gives me a grumpy look, stomps on my head and snuggles up on the blanket on the floor. Must get to sleep, must get to sleep, got to get up uber early tomorrow oh no today (this is the mantra that is spinning around my head by now). Sleep does finally arrive, but only after I have thought about a bazillion things that I need to do, and panicked about things that I may have forgotten to do at work yesterday.

Where I go wrong, I do believe is that when I first get up I make the fatal mistake of looking at the clock and then going ‘oh crap it’s 4:30am only a couple of hours before I have to get up and go to work, bugger, shit, bugger’.

So here are my choices the next time this happens:

1. Don’t get up and relieve bodily functions, but continue to sleep hoping desperately that I won’t wet the bed and my mouth won’t seal shut for an eternity due to the lack of hydration (some may say the mouth sealing is a good thing)

2. Get up and go about business without opening eyes and hope I don’t crash into something.

3. Get up, go about business with eyes half open but DO NOT LOOK AT CLOCK.